If You Ask Me Out, Please Note That I Will Google You And Tell You About It

Who are the people that we date? I mean, who are they really?

Not to sound like Sherlock Holmes in a pair of killer stilettos, but I’d like to thank the University of Florida’s College of Journalism and Communications for helping me acquire some of the most stellar investigative journalism skills during my time at their fine campus. Good times. (Go Gators!)

For me, honesty is always the best policy. However, everyone is not me. (What a bizarre world that would be.) Nonetheless, despite requesting honesty up front with every possible new beau, they all (so far) have had something to hide. I’m not saying tell me your entire life story on date one, but please be decent enough to expel the things that may hinder us dating passed this first evening…because I will find out…and I hate people wasting my time.

Please note this works both ways…so ladies, you should be honest, too. A few things I like to know before considering how serious I will take you…

Ever been arrested, if so for what? Tell me, because I will found out anyway.

Are you elaborating on what you do for a living just to impress me?
Waste of your time…because I will find out anyway. And by the way, I don’t give a s**t how much money you make. I’ve had it all and left the multi-million dollar spare key on the front step one too many times because of lack of honesty. If you lie once, you will lie again. And by the way, if you are a public figure, be smart enough to cover your tracks…otherwise, I will find out.

Are you now or have you ever been or even considered dating someone of the same sex?
I definitely don’t care who you sleep with…however, if there is a chance you will be living it up with Don Juan Valdez one night while I’m out of town…I’m going to have to pass. I like men who like chicks, not dicks.

And let’s not forget my all-time favorite…lying about being married or having a “baby mama”?
I will DEFINITELY find out and leave a trail of scalding Hell that will douse you with regret everywhere you go until your wife is made aware of your unfaithful nonsense.

P.S. Any man with a “baby mama” is such a turn off…a big load of generic luggage I don’t ever want or deserve in my life. I certainly am not judging you, but in my opinion, it’s pretty much the equivalent of a failed attempt at some relationship that was probably doomed from the start. Is there anyone left on the planet that believes in the traditional path of love, marriage, kids? Well I do and that is what I plan to do one day. Too many single parents. Too many kids paying the price.

In conclusion, I love Google, and the access of public and non-public records. I also love knowing people in the Secret Service.

Life is about being a good person, treating others with respect, and appreciating that the heart is a fragile piece within each of us. Sure karma can always work its magic…but I prefer to do a little research before I agree to apply time and effort into someone who may or may not just be in it for some sort of sick and twisted evening of dating bliss…something that you will surely not get from me until many moons have passed and all records have been cleared.

One thought on “If You Ask Me Out, Please Note That I Will Google You And Tell You About It

  1. I’m glad I’m not the only person who does this. An ex of mine lied to me about being married. Like Mom said: “Tell the truth because somebody ALWAYS finds out.”

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